This is the third year I've participated in a program called 30 Days of Gratitude, which involves posting on Facebook each day in November about something I am thankful for. It is not only good for me to count my blessings, which can be a challenge on some days, but I gain insight into the personalities of my Facebook friends as I read about the blessings they are counting. I find it intriguing to consider that the things we are thankful for may have something to do with our personality type preferences, which come in pairs such as Introversion and Extraversion. Here are some things people with each personality preference might be thankful for during preparations for a Thanksgiving feast and while enjoying the meal itself and the remainder of the day.
This is the third year I've participated in a program called 30 Days of Gratitude, which involves posting on Facebook each day in November about something I am thankful for. It is not only good for me to count my blessings, which can be a challenge on some days, but I gain insight into the personalities of my Facebook friends as I read about the blessings they are counting. I find it intriguing to consider that the things we are thankful for may have something to do with our personality type preferences, which come in pairs such as Introversion and Extraversion. Here are some things people with each personality preference might be thankful for during preparations for a Thanksgiving feast and while enjoying the meal itself and the remainder of the day.
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What is a stereotype and how is one born? I hadn't given too much thought to this topic until I recently read Building People, Building Programs by Gordon Lawrence and Charles Martin. My purpose here is not to review the book, which is excellent, but to focus on Chapter 9, "How to Avoid Ethical Pitfalls in Using the MBTI". Despite its professional -sounding title, I believe the material here on how we stereotype people whose personalities differ from ours is of extreme value and importance for everyone, and worth at least the price of the book! Random House Webster's College Dictionary defines a stereotype as "a simplified and standardized conception or image of a person, group, etc., held in common by members of a group: the stereotypes that society has of the mentally ill." This example could just as easily be: the stereotypes that Introverted types have of Extraverted types, or that Sensing types have of Intuitive types, etc.
As Martin and Lawrence point out on p. 177, "We tend to stereotype those who are most different from ourselves because we understand them less - a rule that holds true for differences in type as well as for differences in culture, race, and other characteristics." In my last post I mentioned that people whose personality preferences are the opposite of ours can seem foreign to us, just as E. T. did to Elliott at the beginning of the classic 1982 movie, E. T. the Extra - Terrestrial. Thus the danger of stereotyping such people is great. According to Lawrence and Martin, stereotyping people with personality preferences (such as Introversion or Extraversion) which are opposite to ours takes place because we project onto them our own perception of and way of handling a particular type of situation. It does not occur to us that their way of becoming energized, taking in information, making decisions, and orienting to the outer world may be the opposite of our way of doing so. Since their values seem so different from ours, it is tempting to look down on what we presume to be their motives or level of maturity, or lack thereof. Another way of putting this is that we project onto others the motivations that would cause us to behave a certain way, not realizing that the same behavior could be caused by the opposite motivations in someone else. For instance, people who prefer to use Introversion tend to want their thoughts fully formed before sharing them, while those who prefer to use Extraversion are not only able to complete their thoughts by sharing them with others, but even to draw energy from doing so. Those who prefer Introversion would probably feel shallow if they thought out loud, sharing incomplete thoughts. Thus they may tend to assume that anyone who does so is shallow. They probably don't realize that someone who prefers Extraversion is helped to form and clarify his or her thoughts by sharing them with others, and so they project onto those who prefer Extraversion what such behavior would indicate in themselves. Thus a stereotype is born that those who prefer Extraversion are shallow. Perhaps a contributing factor to their thinking out loud is that those who prefer Extraversion tend to feel awkward with silence, which they often feel compelled to fill. They may tend to assume that everyone else also feels uncomfortable with long pauses during conversations. It may not occur to them that those who prefer Introversion usually find silence, which they use to complete their thoughts before they speak, comfortable and even energizing. So they project onto those who prefer Introversion what would be their own discomfort with silence in social situations. Thus a stereotype is born that those who prefer Introversion are socially awkward and/or have little to say. Once we understand that stereotyping people whose personality preferences differ from ours is a serious problem and a trap that we all fall into at times, how do we know when we have been guilty of it? Language provides a clue, especially the use of terms such as always and never. For example, phrases such as "Extraverts never..." or "Introverts always..." show that an assumption is being made about a whole group of people, without regard to the characteristics of individual members of that group and the other factors in their lives besides personality type preferences which make them unique. These could include factors such as family background, work experience, skills, desires, etc. It's important to remember that stereotyping is not always directed at others. People sometimes stereotype themselves because they believe the stereotypes that others have of them. Stereotyping is probably the culprit when someone uses type as an excuse for behavior, including his or her own. "I (he, she) wouldn't be any good at that since I'm (he's, she's) an Extravert (Introvert)", for instance. Another harmful way stereotyping can be directed at oneself rather than or in addition to others is when someone feels there is something wrong with his or her or someone else's type preferences which therefore must be changed. This indicates a lack of understanding and appreciation of the beauty and gifts of type and the fact that all type preferences are good and healthy. Often people who feel this way have a preference for Introversion, or they prefer Extraversion and are concerned about someone who prefers Introversion. Those who engage in such stereotyping may have been misled by all the talk often heard in our society, or by individuals in their lives, portraying and stereotyping Introversion as bad and unhealthy, and Extraversion as good and healthy, and thus they may mistakenly assume that anyone who prefers Introversion should change. An extreme case of such stereotyping occurred about three years ago when the American Psychiatric Association almost included Introversion in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5) as a contributing factor in some personality disorders. Fortunately it wasn't included because, of course, Introversion is an indicator of normal personality just as Extraversion is. There is no reason for anyone to feel that a preference for Introversion needs to be changed, since it refers to how we derive our mental energy and has nothing to do with mental health. The fact that the American Psychiatric Association needed to be reminded of this should serve as a wake-up call for the rest of us. Since our society is so full of personality stereotypes and misinformation, this reminder that Introversion and Extraversion are both normal personality preferences is necessary for everyone. The problem of stereotyping is clear. Now how about the solution? What can we do to prevent the unhelpful intrusion of stereotyping into our lives? One way to ward it off is to learn as much as possible about the various personality preferences described in the MBTI(R) tool, while keeping firmly in mind that they do not explain everything about the uniqueness of human beings. It is also very helpful to keep in mind that due to type or other factors, other people's motivations may be the opposite of ours. We also need to remember that people whose preferences are the opposite of ours aren't deliberately trying to get on our nerves. Usually they are just being themselves. When it seems as if they are deliberately trying to annoy us, it can help to spend some time focusing on qualities they have which we can enjoy and appreciate. So if your preference is for Extraversion, what do you appreciate about those with a preference for Introversion? What do those of you with a preference for Introversion appreciate about the Extraverted people in your lives? Writing this post has opened my eyes to my own tendency to stereotype and my need to guard against it. I have only covered the tip of the iceberg of how stereotyping manifests itself between people who prefer Introversion and Extraversion, and have not covered the other six personality preferences (Sensing, Intuition, Thinking, Feeling, Judging and Perceiving) at all! What stereotypes have you noticed, either on the receiving end or in your own attitude toward people whose personality preferences are different from yours? What stereotypes would you like to know more about? While it is written for MBTI practitioners, I highly encourage anyone interested in stereotyping to look at Chapter 9 in: Lawrence, Gordon, and Charles Martin. Building People, Building Programs. Gainesville, Fl: Center for Applications of Psychological Type, 2007. This very helpful book may be ordered from the publisher at www.capt.org for $39.95. And as I said at the beginning of this post, the insights on personality stereotyping you will gain from Chapter 9 just might be worth the price of the book and then some! One of the movies I've enjoyed most so far this year was the gorgeous animated Oscar - winning hit Frozen. I thought it was visually stunning (and wish I had seen it in 3-D!), had great songs, taught a powerful lesson about love, and like icing on a cake also had much to teach us about Extraversion. Wait...what?!? Yes! The aspect of Frozen which enchanted me most was the beautiful depiction of Extraversion in the song "For the First Time in Forever", sung by the younger sister, Anna, on the morning of her sister's coronation. I don't wish to give away the plot in case some of you haven't yet seen this wonderful movie. So let's just say that as the story unfolds, teenage Anna and her sister Elsa have spent many years inside their castle without much of a social life. A person who has a personality preference for Extraversion (usually but less correctly called an Extravert) is energized by his or her outer environment which includes things, action, and especially people. When such a person is deprived of companionship, he or she will soon be running on empty like a car without gas, and seeking human contact as if it were the only gas station in a huge desert. I believe that's what this song is about as Anna looks forward to all the activity which will be taking place at their castle as her sister is crowned queen. From the very first line we see Anna's focus on her outer environment. The window is open, so's that door sets the stage for Anna's curiosity about and eagerness to see what lies beyond the castle's walls. Why have a ballroom with no balls? Finally they're opening up the gates. There'll be actual real live people It'll be totally strange But wow, am I so ready for this change? 'Cause for the first time in forever There'll be music, there'll be light For the first time in forever I'll be dancing through the night. Anna is clearly energized by the prospect of interacting with things found outside of herself and her usual drab surroundings, things such as music, light, and most importantly, people. Years of living in isolation have left her starved for social contact. 'Cause for the first time in forever I won't be alone I can't wait to meet everyone! Anna then imagines that the Coronation Ball holds the possibility of bringing her romance, which she imagines as an entire evening of laughing and talking. While people who prefer Introversion also enjoy laughing and talking (and, of course, romance), an entire evening filled with laughter and talk would probably sound exhausting to them, and maybe even scary! To Extraverted Anna it sounds like a dream come true. I'm getting what I'm dreaming of A chance to change my lonely world I believe the movie Frozen also depicts Introversion in the older sister, Elsa. We must keep in mind that much of her behavior takes place under extreme stress, dictated by a need to keep her distance from others in order to protect them. So her true personality preference is not as clear to us as Anna's. Would she have chosen a life of complete isolation if it were not necessary? Probably not, but I do believe her true preference is for Introversion, because keeping to herself seems to energize her. Elsa seems to be focused on and to draw her energy from her inner world. She does not seem excited on her coronation day, even though she has probably grown up knowing she is destined to rule her parents' kingdom one day. In contrast to Anna, on her coronation morning she is singing Don't let them in, don't let them see... Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know While Anna's personality is open and easy to read as is typical of those who prefer Extraversion, Elsa's personality contains much that is hidden. Her song "Let it Go" illustrates the saying "Still waters run deep", which is a good description of those who prefer Introversion, since there is much going on inside the Introverted person which is hidden from the world. The snow glows white on the mountain tonight Not a footprint to be seen A kingdom of isolation, And it looks like I'm the Queen. The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried Don't let them in, don't let them see... Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know While Anna's song shows her looking forward to being with others, Elsa's shows her looking forward to being alone. Her song is about that moment when she can no longer hide who she really is or worry about what others will think of her. She seems relieved and at peace to have a kingdom of isolation where she can be herself, something which would not at all have met the needs of her Extraverted younger sister. I am one with the wind and sky... You'll never see me cry I see in Elsa's transformation a lesson in an important aspect of psychological type theory called type dynamics, which states that when a person takes the Myers - Briggs Type Indicator(R) tool, his or her personality is much more than the sum of the resulting four letters. To make a long explanation short, the dominant, leading part of an Introverted personality is hidden, while an auxiliary or helping part is shown to the world. (In contrast, the dominant part of an Extraverted personality is shown to the world.) I believe that Elsa has accidentally revealed to her world the hidden, most important part of her personality. I don't care What they're going to say Let the storm rage on, The cold never bothered me anyway Meanwhile, for Extraverted Anna For the first time in forever There'll be magic, there'll be fun For the first time in forever I could be noticed by someone While Elsa's soul seems to be nourished by introspection, Anna's thrives on action. I suspect that even though she lives in a kingdom of ice and snow and stars in a movie by that name, this Extravert isn't quite so Frozen after all! My first blog post, with some minor editing, is an article I wrote years ago for an employee publication. Do you know the difference between a person with preferences for Introversion and one with preferences for Extraversion? Many people mistakenly believe that the word introvert refers to someone who is quiet and shy, while an extravert is someone who is talkative and outgoing. These terms actually refer to whether it is your inner or outer environment which is the source and focus of your energy. This is just a tiny part of a new world I've discovered through becoming certified to administer the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator(R) assessment, the most widely used personality inventory. Based on the theories of Carl Jung, who believed that much conflict results from normal, healthy differences in personality type, the MBTI(R) tool describes four pairs of dichotomies called preferences, such as Introversion and Extraversion. There are 16 combinations of these preferences, thus 16 personality types. I first took the MBTI assessment in 1989 and learned that my personality type is found in only 1% of the U. S. population! But the beauty of the MBTI instrument is its affirmation of the invaluable contribution of each personality type, no matter how rare. I found taking the MBTI assessment to be a life - changing experience, as it taught me to appreciate and develop my unique strengths. So when I learned several years later that I could become certified to share the MBTI tool with others, I jumped at the chance! This involved two months of pre - work, attending a four - day workshop in November 1998, and passing a rigorous 93 - question exam covering type theory, statistics, test construction, administration and ethics. To my delight, I only missed three questions for a total score of 97%! My favorite aspect of using the MBTI instrument is making people think. After explaining the differences between the preference pairs, I ask my client what the implications of these differences are. Nothing is more rewarding than seeing the light go on in her mind as she suddenly realizes how these differences impact and can be used to enhance her own relationships. That's when I know I've succeeded in passing along my discovery of a wonderful new world. |
Gayle Weinraub is a resident of San Antonio, Texas who has been passionate about
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