2011.
Since February is when we celebrate Valentine's Day, I thought it would be an ideal time to finally enjoy Intimacy and Type, a publication of the Center for Applications of Psychological Type which I ordered from them about four years ago. Originally published in 1997, my copy is the second edition which came out in 2011.
Intimacy and Type was written by two psychologists, Jane Hardy Jones, Ed.D., and Ruth G. Sherman, Ph.D., who were counselors at the University of Hawaii. According to the back cover of the book, they "...have many years of experience in counseling couples and are also considered experts in using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator(R) (MBTI(R)) assessment, the premier tool for determining personality type."
The second chapter is about power in love relationships, and how it is manifested by each of the preferences, which are discussed in the brief descriptions of type and power in the chapter's first section. For each pair of opposites there is a description of what the authors call its power/love dance and what happens if it is unresolved or unconscious, or ideally, negotiated. Each of these descriptions includes a Couples' Exercise. The chapter concludes with a section on power and love types.
Chapters 3 and 4 introduce us to using type in counseling individuals and couples, and Chapter 3 includes two case studies. Chapter 5 devotes a full page to each of the 16 types, with particular emphasis on how each type tends to function in a relationship. Each page includes a short list of what that type values in their partner or children. Perhaps not surprisingly, the final item in all 16 lists is "appreciation for who they are." The authors wrap up Part One by reminding us that all types bring something valuable to a relationship and of how important it is to understand and accept these contributions, especially when they differ from our own.
We begin to move beyond introductory material in Part Two, the entirety of which is a discussion of the types in interaction: Extraverts with Extraverts in Chapter 6, Introverts with Introverts in Chapter 7, and Extraverts with Introverts in Chapter 8. The discussion begins with a question often seen on MBTI discussion groups and Facebook pages: What type is the best type for me? The authors' answer, after 25 years of counseling couples: "...every relationship has the potential to be deeply satisfying (p. 75)."
This reminds me of a quote I've seen that says having a successful marriage depends more on being the right person than on finding the right person. Although this is not necessarily the point the authors are making here, it is good to remember that there is no magic path to happiness just by choosing someone of the "right" type, since every relationship will have its ups and downs and require much work. Another point worth remembering when reading those sometimes shallow online discussions of the "perfect" type to date and marry is found at the end of Part One, on p. 71. "Having a partner who is supportive of one's professional and personal growth is far more valuable than a relationship with a replica of oneself."
Although the entire book is outstanding, in my opinion Part Two contains its heart and soul. There is more than a page of material on each possible type pairing, divided into sections on what the relationship will look like when it is and is not working. Each section concludes with a paragraph or two of helpful hints.
The final chapter, Chapter 10, deals with individuation and type development. There is much to consider here on the topic of how our relationships are affected by our own personal growth and discovery of meaning throughout life and especially as we approach death. This chapter goes deeper into Jungian theory than the rest of the book, dealing with such issues as how, in the authors' opinion, "...individuals tend to marry someone similar in type to the parent with whom they still have unresolved issues (p. 177)"; the differences between counseling and therapy; and projection, which "...often accompanies arguments between partners and involves one person's projecting upon another the unconscious, undervalued, or rejected contents of his or her own psyche (p. 183)."
Other topics in this chapter include type dynamics, the role of the inferior function, and depth therapy. While this is fascinating material, giving the big picture and background of how some relationship problems develop, it may not be of great interest to everyone. I do recommend reading it, however, especially since it also contains a brief review of MBTI theory which should be helpful to all.
Intimacy and Type concludes with a list of references and other resources, descriptions of the 16 types and brief biographies of the authors. Sadly both have passed away, Dr. Sherman in 1996 and Dr. Jones in 2009. I'm sure their passing represents a severe loss to the type and counseling communities, and to a great many clients whose sole opportunity to benefit from their wisdom and humor is now this gem they have left to us.
I found Intimacy and Type to be highly readable, practical, helpful and enjoyable. It will be as helpful to the layperson who is familiar with personality type concepts as to professional counselors. All the descriptions of my own type and its strengths, weaknesses and struggles sounded accurate and helpful. As an added bonus the book has several helpful and interesting charts and tables.
I also find Intimacy and Type to be almost as helpful to the unattached as to those in relationships. After all, we are all attached somehow to someone, as a child, parent, neighbor, friend, colleague, etc. All of our relationships, whether of the romantic or some other kind, can be improved with determination and hard work.
Intimacy and Type's subtitle is Building Enduring Relationships By Embracing Personality Differences. The whole book, available from the Center for Applications of Psychological Type for $19.95, is full of snippets of wisdom about all 16 types which would be helpful in any relationship. Putting in the necessary time and effort to improve our relationships is truly a gift to others and ourselves. What better Valentine could there be? Let Intimacy and Type help you be and give the Valentine of your partner's dreams.