type development, also takes place in people with preferences for Sensing, Intuition, Thinking, Feeling, Judging and Perceiving. In other words, everyone!
But regardless of where we are in this universal process, there are times when it just makes sense to use one or more preferences which are opposite to those in our type code. For example, someone who prefers Introversion and attends a party, and someone who prefers Extraversion and is required to work alone for an extended period, will need to use their opposite preferences in these situations. Both will experience discomfort and if the situation persists for a long period of time, emotional exhaustion. Yet in order to achieve social and professional success, they must do so. This process is known as flexing, which means bending, and it becomes easier as we get older.
We probably all have a story about what made the preferences we weren't comfortable using begin to blossom. For me, my preferred environment for flexing from Introversion to temporarily trying on an Extravert's hat has long been my workplace. In fact, when it comes to helping me develop the extraverted side of my personality, my employer of 20+ years is probably the best thing ever to happen to me. I found that I couldn't long work in such a big place without becoming more interested in others. I enjoy being part of a large company and interacting with a variety of new and old employees, including those from other departments.
Before our present building was renovated over the past year, I used to have a perfect three - part plan which would not only allow me to flex but also keep me emotionally energized. It consisted of, first, spending my morning break making the five - minute walk to our employee cafeteria in another building. This allowed me to walk past a few other departments and feel like a part of a greater whole, something which is important to me as an Intuitive looking at the big picture. My plan also allowed me to flex into Extraversion by interacting with employees in these departments, including people I didn't know as well as some I had befriended when they worked in my department years ago.
Next, to stay energized and honor my need for time alone, I usually ate lunch by myself in my car. Finally, the third part of my plan involved looking for opportunities to socialize in my department's own area during our afternoon break. I also ate lunch in the cafeteria once a week, with new employees in my department or those I hadn't met yet, instead of the same group of friends each time.
This plan got turned upside down on its ear when our building was sold. Although my employer avoided being permanently evicted, my department did have to move temporarily while everyone else stayed. We found a very nice facility two miles away to use for a year while our space was renovated.
But when we did return, our entire company was located in my department's old building instead of being spread throughout our campus like before. We are now on the first floor with our other departments located mostly on the second floor where we used to be but are no longer allowed to go. We no longer have a cafeteria, and the part of the building where it used to be is now off - limits to us, since it is used by the new owners of the building.
So for my first few days of working under this arrangement, I felt as isolated as I did the previous year when my department worked in a building by ourselves. I have friends who I assumed were working right above us yet I never had the chance to cross paths with them. I also missed several familiar faces from various departments I was used to seeing as I, or they, walked through the building.
What's someone who prefers Introversion to do when her favorite opportunity for flexing into Extraversion is taken away? After a few days of floundering around and feeling lost without our cafeteria as a company - wide meeting place, I heard that those in my department still have access to our former restrooms on the second floor, which are now part of a nice lounge in an unrestricted area. I used them before work one day and as I left I met a friend from another department coming up the stairs to his office. That brightened my day and our new/old building began to seem like home.
For me, regaining my desired opportunity to flex into Extraversion, as well as to feel connected once again to the rest of our company, involved a simple change in my daily routine. Although the building is still not the same as it was, using the upstairs restroom at least once per day has helped me adjust. Eventually I noticed that some of the people I saw and spoke to there or in the lounge and other areas were going into parts of the building other than ours. My eyes finally opened to the fact that I cross paths with people from a variety of departments, and even employees of our building's new owners, every day.
This is just one example of how the world might seem to be saying "No, thank you!" to someone who wants to flex from Introversion to Extraversion. Sometimes it is not just unavoidable circumstances like a building renovation which get in the way of our type development. Sometimes people themselves are the culprits. It is sad indeed when someone who prefers Introversion finds that his occasional attempts to be more outgoing are met with indifference or unfriendliness on the part of the people he is trying to interact with. And how many of us have walked down a hallway during our break time, only to find that everyone we'd like to talk to is busy talking, texting or looking at Facebook on their phones?
Then there is the person with a preference for Intuition who starts paying more attention to details, and the Sensing type who starts looking into the future more and talking about the big picture in business meetings or social conversations. What about Thinking and Feeling types, and Judgers and Perceivers, who are trying to develop the opposite preference? Any time we begin to change the behaviors that others have come to expect, there will be some who do not support our attempts to grow and develop. Without realizing it they may try to keep us in our usual roles in order to enhance their own feelings of comfort and security.
Having the world say "No, thank you!", "I'm not interested," or "I liked you better before" when we want to flex can be very frustrating. Even if others want to keep us in our usual roles or just aren't responsive to our attempts to flex, rather than trying to please them we must take care of ourselves first. If a person who prefers Introversion finds that his or her attempts to be more outgoing at work or with family fall flat, joining a community group may be the answer. Someone with a preference for Extraversion may need to find a secret hideaway where development of the introverted side of his personality can take place, and so on. Explaining that we enjoy becoming more well - rounded to those who are puzzled or offended by new behaviors should help too.
In turn, let's not overlook the opportunities we have to respond positively to others as they follow their inner drive to let all sides of their personalities grow. A bit of tolerance, understanding, patience and encouragement toward others even when they startle us by flexing could go a long way toward facilitating their personality development. When that normally quiet person who has never spoken to us smiles and says "Good morning", or sits with us during a break at work, our first inclination might be to wonder what he is up to. Remember that he might be flexing, and try being friendly in return. Likewise, when we see that normally outgoing person reading and looking like she wants to be alone, let's respect her privacy. She just might be trying a few moments of Introversion on for size.
It never hurts to remember that not only do all of us have different personalities, but we are all at different points in our type development too. "Yes, please!" instead of "No, thank you!" may be just the message we all need to hear to nudge us over the finish line in our lifelong (whether we realize it or not) goal of developing all eight preferences as fully as possible. Or, in the words of C. G. Jung, on whose work the
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator(R) assessment is based, of becoming who we truly are.